Sound

equal money for all

2009-11-08T05:31:00.000-08:00

A conversation I had with my father
The points that we’ve discussed:
We have missed out of equality in all ways and didn’t understand what equality entails at all.
If we look at this world no one can deny that there is a lot of suffering going on, war, starvation, prostitution, human trafficking, animal abuse to name a few. And yet we remain inactive, we justify our numbness by using our religion, or statements, as this is just the way it is and we aren’t able to change anything.

Religion
We exclude all that are not willing to follow the same set of rules as we do whether in our culture, or our belief systems. Whether it is within our families or our circle of friends. We are not willing to include all being it’s all depending on the set of rules one is following. This doesn’t make sense when we would take all in consideration we won’t exclude anyone.
It has been written in the bible that we are created in the image and likeness of god, when you take another look at the fact that there is so much suffering in this world god must be a allowing this and therefore must be pure evil and we are made in his image and likeness so we are evil and allowing suffering to exist.
It also has been written in the bible that: “The root of all evil is the greed for money”, so its not money in it self but our greed for it, that what we all have in common what we have become in fact. If you don’t have money you want it and if you have money you want more of it. Money has become our real god, our love for money governs this world. And in this we exclude those who are suffering that are starving to death because we are too greedy to consider each being equally.

Arguing about whose responsible?
We accept and allow it so we all, each one individually are responsible.
Pointing fingers at others, blaming others doesn’t make sense and it will not move your self to establish change. If your room is a mess and you reason about whose to blame or responsible your not getting your room cleaned that’s common sense. You will not go argue about whose to blame if you want to have the room cleaned you will do it yourself.

Change
Another justification to hide behind is that we believe that we can’t change anything by ourselves we are only human, we believe that one person can’t change anything, each one individually is responsible so each one individually must stand up and take self responsibility for their actions. Common sense.

Facing what is here!
We are hoping that one day it will be paradise on earth somewhere in a future without even willing ourselves to face what is here, denying it. We humans are not really capable of facing what is real in front of our eyes.
We numb ourselves down with entertainment; we reward those who entertain us with huge amounts of money and those who are teaching our children we reward with a minimum wage.
That shows us already how we prioritise our need to entertain ourselves above LIFE those who are new in this world and those that are yet to come. We don’t honour them; no we disregard the children by not doing everything possible for all children to have equal opportunity during the time that has been given to them on this earth.
Instead Numbness rules entertainment remaining inactive has become the disease. The good man remain inactive while millions suffer has become the real evil in this world.

Equality
Equality is the key to life, if you want a good life for your children and exclude the ones of your neighbour and the ones that are starving to death every 5 seconds, you don’t honour life but you honour your self interest, greed, comfort above all other things.
Equality is the key to a dignified life for all. Without equality we manifest a world as it is today.
Without equality we destroy life, we abuse life, we abuse innocent beings, children, animals, the water we drink, the air we breathe.
We are such fools.

Equal money from birth to death is a basic human right!
Equal money for all is a practical interim solution to establish change so all have an opportunity to a dignified life. Equal money is a basic human right simply because you are in this world, you are here.

2009-11-07T11:01:00.000-08:00

MONEY REVOLUTION - Equal money from birth to death IS A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT!

my experience with education as a parent

2009-10-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

My daughter is just attending school this is my experience thus far.
The first prominent point I see when children enter the educational system and this already start when babies and toddlers entering day care is that teachers and caretakers are responding to them through dividing all and everything into ‘good’/’bad’. Praising children, responding to their actions either with ‘nice’ or ‘bad’ or other indications within the same polarity construct

Rewarding obedience with a compliment/rewarding disobedience with rejection: that’s a very nice thing to do/that’s not a nice thing to do.

What you see is what you become, being nice is something, which will be adopted and adapted as the accepted standard/way of surviving in a group within the educational system and later when you mature within society. How many times do we say each single day: “that’s such a nice thing to do or that’s really good very nicely done?”
We have been taught to program words into us as way to survive and to store our experience of ourselves into a polarity structure of mind. That’s how we address this world. The ‘game’ of winning and loosing is already introduced as well, and no one wants to stand on the losing side. All children at some point want to say and know the right answer and expect to be rewarded by the same construct/rules that what has been showed to them.

Every one for themselves can actually see how “being nice” as a reward to an individual action has screwed you with your perception of yourself especially regards interacting with others we’ve all been programmed to have multidimensional/interpretations connected to words e.g. such a simple word as nice. It starts with parents and then when we grow of age we enter the educational system and here through a new authority figure the teacher and your fellow classmates and your adopted survival techniques of wanting to be part of it, to stand your ground with no other tools then copying those around you within your sphere of influence you will program yourself to become that what you see and adopt and adapt this as you in fact.

Because really it isn’t that hard to observe this for yourself that we’re programmed to have multi dimensional interpretations connected to one word. And it isn’t that hard to see for your self when being with children that children do not understand this at all. Kids for example do not understand irony, sarcasm its something for grown ups those who already are complied (= act in accordance with a wish or command) within this specific set of rules. When a word has no physical substance to it young children do not understand what you are talking about. It’s programmed unto them by repetition through parents the teachers within the educational system and the method we use to teach them how to read as it has been taught to us and the ones that have came before us.

We force our ways unto our children, prepared already by the parents, to continue even further the minute they enter the educational system where acts of morality and polarity ‘lighthouse’ pointers of the system presented as the example as a means to stand their ground. We reward this behavior with approval because that’s all we know of, even before they are able to read they are prepared to adept to multidimensional interpretations of words/pictures/symbols in order for them to establish and adapt and adopt to morality and polarity constructs – meaning the child is developing ‘well’ within and as a system.

The current educational system is an enslavement system, for only one sole purpose to deliver proper ingrained and useful systems for the bigger system to serve.

can you relate?

2009-09-26T01:45:00.001-07:00

can you relate?

Shared via AddThis

new BLOG!!

2009-08-12T02:33:00.000-07:00

I will upload on this blog as well

http://jozienfokkert.wordpress.com/

Children and manipulation- question and answer

2009-06-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

Q:
Why is my daughter experiencing anger and crying attacks when I ask her simple things such as getting dressed in the morning or to put her coat on when we go outside?

A:

Jozien - it's manipulation as an attempt to control her reality to establish her authority in her reality within the starting point of the definition of herself in giving herself the position of 'doing what she wants to do' and not what's being told or demanded of her to do - she's manifesting the polarity-opposite of how she's always experienced herself, see:

She's always 'been told or demanded' of 'what to do' and she complied - 'doing and existing as what has been told of her to do by/through another' - having no opportunity/ground within which she could establish her own natural self-expression here, and because of this - she's now manifested her 'perceived' self as 'who she is', by rebelling or manifesting herself as the opposite of what she's always done/been and experienced - going from compliance to demands to rebelling and 'doing what 'she' (of mind) wants to do'.

Therefore, she's become the 'control' that has been taught to her through 'demand of compliance' - and thus in turn 'demanding compliance of you/from you' according to 'what she wants' - to 'control' her reality and those in it.

Because within your approach as a 'mother' - a mother doesn't take the child into consideration, but handles the child as someone that needs to be taught and demanded of - to get them to comply to the rules of society according to how children should/must be - and this 'teaching' comes within the starting point within which you'd use any/all method to make sure the child does what you want them to do so that they can be how you want them to be - only taking yourself into consideration and not the child as you - so, see - she's doing exactly to you - what you did to her, only in a more extreme way so that you can see it within actual experience and at the same time, in this way - asking you to see 'her' - not as something you must mould/shape into you.

So, she's now trying/attempting to establish 'her own person'/being her own person - through control and manipulation - because that's all she's ever known - and she's seen the results in her own expression towards you - within your starting point of control/manipulation - and now she's doing the same with you - to get the same results as what she experienced = getting what she wants, as you got what you wanted through your expression towards her.

Jozien - do the attention-builder/word purifier with her - join her with that which she enjoys expressing herself within - playing with a ball, drawing, painting, dancing in the house with some music, reading with her/for her etc. - take a moment and 'spend time with her in that which she enjoys doing' - because that which she enjoys doing - within that and joining her unconditionally giving her the freedom to express in it - will assist and support in the development of her establishing her self-expression through and within something constructive/physical and not through the mind.

Then also - observe your starting point with her when asking something - are you demanding of her/doing it because 'she must' as within the starting point of control so that you can fulfill a defined construct within you as 'mother' where your child does what you demand/tell them to do from a controlling perspective - or are you asking her to do something from a perspective of common sense, taking her into consideration as you - for example: Zina - it's morning, to get the day started - must get dressed, unfortunately in this world - we can't walk around naked - come, get dressed with me - then get dressed with her, together. Be/become practical with her - walk with her as you.

Let me know if any further assistance required.

Veno

Blogs to freedom and Self

2009-06-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

new BLOG!!

2009-05-26T04:09:00.000-07:00

I replaced my blog to here, please link me!
Thanks!

http://jozienn.multiply.com/

Talking about others

2009-04-19T00:55:00.000-07:00

Talking about others
Whenever I’m in a conversation talking about others I see how we talk about others without any selfdirection. It’s a reflection of who we are, if you didn’t direct yourself within what you realize in the moment when being with others you will end up looping yourself. It’s always an indicator of where you stand. If you talk about people from the startingpoint of I didn’t direct myself when the actual event occurred, you missed the point you missed the breath and the opportunity to direct yourself.
It’s the exact same thing. The nature of what you see in others is what you living yourself: missing the point to direct yourself.. And so we keep everything as it is until the point will occur again.
Talking about others without any selfdirection or practical solutions is pointless.

Questions to assist with exploring the issue of money

2009-04-16T03:07:00.000-07:00

Questions to assist with exploring the issue of money
for everyone- -by Gabriel Zamora Moreno

"If i had no money, who would i be ?"
totally fucked
I would have no self esteem, no house, no money, no friends, nothing. Society would spit me out,they would see me as a looser. Unwanted an outcast.

"if i had a billion, who would i be ?"
I would feel great, no more worries about money

"if someone gave me a billion, who would i be?"
Grateful and greedy

"if someone stole all my money, who would i be?"
Very angry

"if i worked and didn't get my pay at the end of the month, who would i be?"
Very fucking angry

"if i suddenly had children to take care of financially, who would i be?"
worried

"if the government would seize all my property, who would i be?"
Beyond fucking angry

"if i was in enormous debt, who would i be?"
scared

"in all those situations, would i remain the same?"
NO, NO, NO
I would react big time because really come on lack of MONEY will reveal your real colours- not a pretty sight.

Conclusion- we are fucked and trapped in and by the money system.
Solution!

An agreement on a new set of rules of an One and Equal money system for all from birth to death. This will change all outflows of us humans and how we exist.

Who would I be, without money?
There is not such a thing of who I would be when existing as in having lack of money or having no money at all. There is no "WHO AM I" . No not at all. There is only survival to be concerned about, currently many do live like this in the world.
Who would I be when I would have been born into a family without money at all. No there is no equality in this world, it depends on where you are born.

Many see that the world is one, It's time to realize and walk the practical solutions that we are ALL One and Equal.

Trust

2009-04-15T02:56:00.001-07:00

Trust
After a conversation I had, I see that I can only trust that what is here within the walking within the physical expression, the selfexpression here as me and others.
I see how I always relied on words spoken in the past within certain moments and that I trusted these words as an agreement of trust.
I realized that I cannot put trust in this.
The only trust I can have which is real is what is here immediate in the moment and that trust as within words spoken by someone else is not something to put trust in. It will fuck you
I can only find out when we walk together,within the actuality of us and see who the other is and who I am while we are living the words spoken.

What if I am wrong?

2009-04-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

When I have clarity but do not direct myself within clarity but instead I hold myself back. Between the moment of clarity and holding back I experience fear I experience FEAR pertrifying FEAR
I FEAR the FEAR
Its not an external fear in terms of that something outside triggered the fear e.g I fear a person or a reaction within the other- which is cloaked fear of self
No it’s internal , the fear of the fear. Direct here within myself.
There is no way out, SF won’t do the trick anymore so to speak. Nope I have to walk through it.
In the moment that I’m able to walk the correction in terms of a event , that I actually can walk the corrective application here in the physical as me standing as me here as me – I hold back

What’s behind it?
Not wanting to take responsibility, afraid of taking self responsibility.
What if I make that post, what if I correct others as me within the clarity that’s me?
What if I am wrong?
What does this imply?
That I have to take responsibility for my words, for my deeds here within the actuality of me instead within the clarity wherein I do not direct myself but can always relay on this clarity as an source hidden away from everyone, only existing in my mind, the illusionair realms, and from there it’s already creating morality.
Fuck- knownledge is useless when not lived
It locks into female ego and from there into the mothermatrix.
So I hold back – keep everything as it – accepting and allowing everything as it is- not ‘able’ to push myself through the point of pertrifying fear

Particpating in the same thing over and over again, hoping that one day it will have a different outcome?
Within the holding back there comes sadness,deep sadness.

It has been pointed out to me that when I’m holding back I’m afraid to show to myself that I actually have transcended the point, that I’m actually walking the correction.
How fucking stupid is this?
It’s stupidity

I start seeing that the physical is the only place that is real and that every correction is a physical correction.You have to physicaly correct yourself, you have to become it and then it’s a expression of me here within the physical. Me as Self Expression not within any realm of the mind, but here within me as the expression of me here within the physical, within my body.

OK
I stop
I see the point
I walk the correction
I see that real change is possible

Osho on evolution

2008-12-29T04:50:00.000-08:00

"Evolution implies that creation is not complete, hence the possibility of evolving. Charles Darwin is saying that the creation is an ongoing process, that existence is always imperfect, that it is never going to be perfect; only then can it go on evolving, reaching new peaks, new dimensions, opening new doors, new possibilities."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhjOnYbKJJw

some more SF

2008-10-10T16:39:00.000-07:00

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to to stand one and equal to that what I have become, my real nature BECAUSE OF FEAR OF my acceptances and allowances

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a hiding place so that I could justify my survival and self-interest of mind.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my existence and use fears as a acceptable way to get away with it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in my comfort zone this way

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never questioned a fear for what it really is.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to justify fear as a excuse to remain everything as it is and therefore never had the intention to really change at all.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that survival of the perceived me always prevailed above LIFE

I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to listen to the feeling of fear out of the belief that I would then listen to my ‘inner voice’

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that this listening to my inner voice is listening obeying others as in a slave that listens to her master. And that this inner voice is of ‘god’ of system. And its only interested in self-survival.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that self-interest only is interested in survival of self which is the self of mind of sysems of god and it needs you to allow and accept to participate.

I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me instead of realizing that fear only protects systems.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to listen to the feeling of fear out of the belief that I would then listen to my ‘inner voice’

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that this listening to my inner voice is listening obeying others as in a slave that listens to her master. And that this inner voice is of ‘god’ of system. And its only interested in self-survival.

I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m trapped in a cage and that there is no way out.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was trapped for ever into infinity because of this system, god, something, that had more power then me.

SELF FORGIVENNESS reading BRUCE L. God of Man – The Physical: Part Three

2008-10-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t change and therefore that I am the mercy of the system, of god itself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I believe that I can’t take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize where I stand one and equal with and that what I have become.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal with the system, this reality as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that in this I state that that which I’m not willing to stand one and equal with is more then me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I’m unwilling to stand one and equal with of and as myself as god, the system this reality as the physical and by this it will show me that it is more then me, because this is what I am living as myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as myself here in totality- one and equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as myself here in totality- one and equal. And therefore can not self direct me in this world.

I can only be the self directive principle of me as I stand one and equal to the system that what I became other wise were don’t allow myself to stand one and equal to I can not direct as me. Because I will always loose this system is always bigger and greater then me when I do not standing one and equal to it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand absolut as god, the system, this reality as the physical here one and equal to get to know and understand how god, the system operates exactly.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be no longer a slave ,standing as ‘god’ the system it self, and from there live from the startingpoint of all as one equal as life here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as what it currently exist as and how it operates within the startingpoint of self as all as one here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to keep a hidden agenda- and so destroy and fuck myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal to my creation as my creation as what it consist of and exist as, all of it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own creation, and therefore giving it the power to exist as more than me, and in this action- I’m giving it the power to be-what I cannot conceive myself to be Thus give it the ‘life’ to develop and evolve in itself for itself by itself- to be all that I believe myself not to be.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that if we created the computer then the very operation as how the computer exist and all that it consist of- must exist within and as us here in the physical.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself believing that all that exist here in the world this reality that it directly reflect that what I believe I’m not capable of being or expressing in all forms and manifestation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself by believing that what I create can simply no be me and therefore must be more than me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to do exactly like Anu and his experience about his creation. He created and designed in his image and likeness, marveling at the greatness of his own creation that he designed. And in this honoured something as a design, a system to be more than himself. And therefore giving it the power the authority to be god of him and within this the very accepted and allowed act of seperation, making what he created and designed as a system- to be more than him - and I always prove me to myself- his creation, his design- doing just this - proving that it is ‘god’ .

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made this reality and what exist within it more than myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the physical more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the universe more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the past more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the history more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the history more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the science more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the money system more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the education -system,laws,rules, regulation, viruses, illness, disease, goverments, medical-industries-and the list goes on- all more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to be controlled and overpowered by all of the above things.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that the only change I have to self-realise and stop god, the system that what I have become both within and without- Is right here. In the flesh.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that as the physical is that which is myself manifested as god, the system-within I absolutely directly face myself as I am and how I am in and as all my presumed greatness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that this ‘god’, the ‘system’ can only exist , if slaves exist.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that within and through my very existence in and as the physical, the
very self – definition I live here in the physical as that of a slave through accepted and allowed self-defeat, abdicating me to my own creation to be more than manifesting my own creation as ‘god’ is the only way ‘god’ can exist and maintain and continue its existence as is.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have to walk absolutely one and equal as the system, god, this reality in and as the physical here.

Pushing through resistance/ stabilizing myself/being more consistent

2008-10-03T03:23:00.000-07:00

Ok that’s not about changing a other person or tolerate the other one and a other beings presence so to speak, no its actually you changing yourself and showing yourself that you can push through a point by stabilising yourself in the moment here.
How?
Through breathing, breathe through the resistance aplly self-forgiveness in the moment of resistance instantly immediately no delays and by doing so you push yourself through the point of resistance.
You breathe and you direct yourself in the moment, by pushing through the points of resistance for example fear, anxiety, irritation, helplessness, wanting to give up . You direct yourself you breathe and by doing so you direct yourself instead of letting outside events be the directive principle of you.
You self-direct you immediately in the moment. I am the directive principle of me.

When I feel resistance for example to reply on a post on the forum because of reactions – self-interest- I push myself through the points of resistance I immediately apply Sf and immediatly push myself through the point of resisantce direct myself and be the directive principle of me instead of letting outside events determine how I feel in the moment
Become stable, breathe by breathe

If I have to go do something in the matrix which I rather not do because of the resistance I feel. For example I got a invite for a event
I prefer to stay at home. Why? Whats my startingpoint ?
I know when I go I will ‘fall.’ Because I know already that sooner or later – lol- I will be full with anxiety and bs and not knowing how to ‘be’ in the moment.

I do not trust myself in every moment of breathe. I also realized when this is not yet the case if I can’t walk in absolut self trust I have to face all moments of self doubt other wise it has and is of no value.
It must be proven, It’s my own self realization- for self as self here
I have to absolut trust myself in every moment of breath other wise I, me, will prevail above all
If I’m not the directive principle of me the outer events will be directing me.

Writing alone wont do.

We at Be part2

2008-08-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

The coolest thing about it was that being together with other beings walking and supporting oneness and equality.
Its a glimpse of how the world and all beings will walk in the future

The talking and being together and sharing all insights where a very supporting expierence. So many questions came up ........

Thats all

embracing

2008-07-27T16:11:00.001-07:00

I realised something today. I never embraced my so called 'darkside' as me. I was seeing it I was seeing what I was doing feeling it supressing it. But I never embraced it. Never embraced these feelings and emotions as me. Strange how perfectly simpel the splitting of the I works. It's so simpel but never ever has it been in my reach to embrace it as me.
Its here all is here and all is me.

why on earth did I think that I 'outgrowned' my childhood expierences and needs to kill little insect, to investigate little frogs to pull their legs untill the frog died. Or I just pulled a fly's leg untill all the legs where seperate from the fly. Why on earth did I do that?
because its my nature to do so.

And did I ever ever embraced that?

nope

I was very ashamed of it, felt very bad by it, felt guilty about it and thought that one day I would be punished for it.

The question I asked myself today--> Did I change? Did the nature of me changed did I transcend that need of killing a frog and where the hell did this come from this desire to do so. To abuse defendless beings?

And again did I ever embraced the abuse of defendless beings as me?

We at Be – lol

2008-07-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

The world event at the Zamoras was great. I didn’t had that many expectations. Just about Ann and that she would be all purple –lol -but she wasn’t. I was more occupied with getting the right train, and taking the right cell phone number from Leila. I text her my arrival time and when she didn’t text me back I got a little bit nervous like shit what if I took the wrong phonenumber, and I had not taken their address either. So Leila called me and all was good again lol

We all got together on the trainstation and the thing I noticed like wow they are so tall, and when I met Paul I was like huh? Weren’t you blonde?
Never consider age on the forum but in the flesh all looked so young, suprise!
I was laughing a lot, I was so exited to see them all fo real and it was really surreal-lol! We where all laughing and giggling a lot. And looking at eachother like …….huh? For real? And then we started laugingh again.

What else? I became nervous when I was talking about other forum members and their words and post on the forum. From the exitement I had stomach pain , breathing was helping but it was not completely gone. Hmmmm what else……. Still there …….do I response to the other in the right way?
It was subtle and very small but yeah still there! So then I got energy movement trough out my body and couldn’t breath through it.

I blushed as a tomato when I was making a comparison to a stiff dick and a wet c*nt. Got all red so…..I just let it happen it was there anyway, yep Sf point again….. Cool it will assist me in transcend the fucking embaresment point within me.

What else?

Was a bit sad in the train when I left, felt salty tears coming up. And could have become over emotional but I didn’t-Puh. Have to dig deeper into this aswell.

yesterday I watched the vid Ann made so I blushed again,see above.

Was reading Leila blog about the first day and I had reactions coming up mostly exitement and……………………….. what will she say about me? Yep.

Same reaction on Ann’s blog

And enjoyment aswel.

Then today I was on chat and Gabs said something on a vid he made on the whole happening. And then I got really scared. Boem, Boem, boem, my heart pounded in my throat, hundred needles in my flesh and my neck area.
And its all about me to see and to embrace as me.

To place everything inside me, to see that all is here and that here is me.

btw
Must be continued.
Do not know when cause I’m leaving tomorrow on a long holiday with kids we will explore Europe.

My second post, looking back.

2008-06-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

I entered a website last december. I felt pretty messed up back then I just had given birth to my youngest child and I was still recovering. It swas a very intense and difficult pregnancy&labour I had gone trough and I knew that it would take me at least a year to recover. So lots of time at home don’t mistake me wrong I had/have no freetime but time at home taking care of my baby and her older sister. So back to this site.
This website and the selfsupport it offered where completly new to me and I realized after reading watching the material that no question have to been answered anymore.
No more question about what am I doing here,the one and only question I really ever asked myself What am I doing here? What Is my purpose? What is the purpose of my life? What is the meaning of me being here, does my life has a meaning?
Those question are answered by seeing into me, seeing Self here. Self that I never took into considiration.
No more how does the day turns into night, but why is there a day and why Is there a night. Simple.
To never take anything or anyone for granted anymore, to question everything and all in my world.
Simple yet ‘Complicated’ So it began, start applying Self forgiveness in Selfhonesty and boy oh boy what a HORROR, HORRIFIC sight it was. I was watching & studying the material like crazy, in the beginning I really had no clue where it would lead me I just saw a very young women portaling the most enchanting beings I ever ‘seen’ ,and all completely different in there expression. Fascinating. The portal herself pure innocence like you see in children,like I see in my children but never have seen as selfexpression in a adult before. Fascinating! Enchanting it was.
The enchanting runned into devasatation I couldn’t believe it , the story you always wanted to know and now here right infront of me to unbelievable to be true. To horrific to be true. Common sense revealed the world as it is. And boy oh boy . Its absolut horrific. The thing that struck me the most was the question whom or what am I gratefull to or for? In times of need or pain or longing or surching I became gratefull as the last thing to hold onto in this fuss I perceived as my life.
And then I became gratefull for my life, for my children, for my health, for my luck,for my talents and my skills, for me having it so good,. I felt so blessed but whom or whas I gratefull to? Whom did I thank for all of this? Whom or what was I gratefull for, for me being able to life, for healthy children so others can have unhealthy children, gratefully looking the other way,I’m so blessed that all the good things came to me,so I can gratefully look the other way when I encounter the so called other side of the coin. I’m so gratefull that I’m not living in poverty when I see the poor.Thank you life that I’m not child that has been raped or molested, that I do not live in war that I do not starve to death.That I have a nice and pretty roof, and that I only say Thank you! I’m so blessed. Its just my goo dkarma, thank you LIFE. Is thi sth eonly thing I could cam eup with th egratefullness as answer to all the unanswered questions?
WTF went wrong.. Ofcourse there where times I said, yes I know it’s not really how things should have been but its just the way it is,isn’t it? And then continued with my life like nothing really happened.

Ok I realized some common sense in this world and started participating on the forum. I had much difficulties to participate at all. I hated it, it’s my first forum and my last.
Oh yes,…..in the beginning when I just started watching the vids I was like why are all those beings talking about HEAVEN? What a christian ‘thing’ to say. Cause heaven was not even a word on my mind or in my vocab. Then a other term ‘the White light construct’, it took me months to figure that one out,hahahahaha. If you would have said it’s a new club in town it would have made more sense to me. Ok I came to terms with the terms.

So I became Selfaware, apply Selfforgiveness in Selfhonesty and had a rough time. Smiling.
I am not my mind. Huh?
I am not my feelings,emotions and thoughts.
Huh?
So who am I then?

Being here in the moment.Huh?

And then some months ago, I noticed Me,Self, I, In the beginning it was like hey wait a minute I am here too. I am here 2 you know!! I became Selfaware, really for the first time in my entire life or existence for that matter. I always was just living my life as this is the way it is this is the way we people live our lives ,you get borne, and you die and in meanwhile you live youre life.
No one ever asked me to be birthed into the fysical, into this life with these parents, with this life, to be a baby,to grow up. Did I ever made that choice? And yet I am here.

Sail on-Truly-

2008-06-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

I was having lunch at a restaurant this week and on the background music was playing. The Comodores en Lionel Ritchie. I didnt really take noticed it but it was there.

When I got home there was 'something' lingering but had no words to describe this 'state' I was expierencing and couldnt find the words for it. I search for this particular song by the Comodores and the moment I heard the piano and the soothing voice of Lionel Richie I started crying.

OMG I didnt had a clue, this song is so deeply ingrained in me.

I grew up with this song and later when LR became a solo artist his voice is among others the soundtrack of a part of my life. The part of my life where I was dating for the first time with the first boyfriend, dating holding hands and this music is absolutly a big part of it, the music activate systems and ideas inside of me of how I perceived love. Not even love for someone, but love in general as something which is out there to find to grasp, to reach.

Someday I will be on that lovely place where I wil find real love and this music activates all these desires in me.

That something is not even clear, but the feeling that I had to look for it was activated within the firts love relationship and the music 'spiced' it up even more.

How weird that when ever I hear this song, this is triggered inside of me. Conscious or unconcounscious. Its there.