I realised something today. I never embraced my so called 'darkside' as me. I was seeing it I was seeing what I was doing feeling it supressing it. But I never embraced it. Never embraced these feelings and emotions as me. Strange how perfectly simpel the splitting of the I works. It's so simpel but never ever has it been in my reach to embrace it as me.
Its here all is here and all is me.
why on earth did I think that I 'outgrowned' my childhood expierences and needs to kill little insect, to investigate little frogs to pull their legs untill the frog died. Or I just pulled a fly's leg untill all the legs where seperate from the fly. Why on earth did I do that?
because its my nature to do so.
And did I ever ever embraced that?
I was very ashamed of it, felt very bad by it, felt guilty about it and thought that one day I would be punished for it.
The question I asked myself today--> Did I change? Did the nature of me changed did I transcend that need of killing a frog and where the hell did this come from this desire to do so. To abuse defendless beings?
And again did I ever embraced the abuse of defendless beings as me?