What if I am wrong?

When I have clarity but do not direct myself within clarity but instead I hold myself back. Between the moment of clarity and holding back I experience fear I experience FEAR pertrifying FEAR
I FEAR the FEAR
Its not an external fear in terms of that something outside triggered the fear e.g I fear a person or a reaction within the other- which is cloaked fear of self
No it’s internal , the fear of the fear. Direct here within myself.
There is no way out, SF won’t do the trick anymore so to speak. Nope I have to walk through it.
In the moment that I’m able to walk the correction in terms of a event , that I actually can walk the corrective application here in the physical as me standing as me here as me – I hold back


What’s behind it?
Not wanting to take responsibility, afraid of taking self responsibility.
What if I make that post, what if I correct others as me within the clarity that’s me?
What if I am wrong?
What does this imply?
That I have to take responsibility for my words, for my deeds here within the actuality of me instead within the clarity wherein I do not direct myself but can always relay on this clarity as an source hidden away from everyone, only existing in my mind, the illusionair realms, and from there it’s already creating morality.
Fuck- knownledge is useless when not lived
It locks into female ego and from there into the mothermatrix.
So I hold back – keep everything as it – accepting and allowing everything as it is- not ‘able’ to push myself through the point of pertrifying fear

Particpating in the same thing over and over again, hoping that one day it will have a different outcome?
Within the holding back there comes sadness,deep sadness.

It has been pointed out to me that when I’m holding back I’m afraid to show to myself that I actually have transcended the point, that I’m actually walking the correction.
How fucking stupid is this?
It’s stupidity

I start seeing that the physical is the only place that is real and that every correction is a physical correction.You have to physicaly correct yourself, you have to become it and then it’s a expression of me here within the physical. Me as Self Expression not within any realm of the mind, but here within me as the expression of me here within the physical, within my body.

OK
I stop
I see the point
I walk the correction
I see that real change is possible

Sail on-Truly-

I was having lunch at a restaurant this week and on the background music was playing. The Comodores en Lionel Ritchie. I didnt really take noticed  it but it was there.

When I got home there was 'something' lingering but had no words to describe this 'state' I  was expierencing and couldnt find the  words for it. I search for this particular song by the Comodores and the moment I heard the piano and the soothing voice of Lionel Richie I  started crying.

OMG I  didnt had a clue, this song is  so deeply ingrained in me.

I grew up with this song and later when LR became a solo artist his voice is among others the soundtrack of a part of my life. The part of my life where I was dating for the first time with the first boyfriend, dating holding hands and this music is absolutly a big part of it, the music activate systems and ideas inside of me of how I perceived love. Not even love for someone, but love in general as something which is out there to find to grasp, to reach.

Someday I will be on that lovely place where I wil find real love and this music activates all these desires in me.

That something is not even clear, but the feeling that I had to look for it was activated within the firts love relationship and the music 'spiced' it up even more.

How weird that when ever I hear this song, this is triggered inside of me. Conscious or unconcounscious. Its there.