"Evolution implies that creation is not complete, hence the possibility of evolving. Charles Darwin is saying that the creation is an ongoing process, that existence is always imperfect, that it is never going to be perfect; only then can it go on evolving, reaching new peaks, new dimensions, opening new doors, new possibilities."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhjOnYbKJJw
29 december 2008
10 oktober 2008
some more SF
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to to stand one and equal to that what I have become, my real nature BECAUSE OF FEAR OF my acceptances and allowances
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a hiding place so that I could justify my survival and self-interest of mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my existence and use fears as a acceptable way to get away with it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in my comfort zone this way
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never questioned a fear for what it really is.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to justify fear as a excuse to remain everything as it is and therefore never had the intention to really change at all.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that survival of the perceived me always prevailed above LIFE
I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to listen to the feeling of fear out of the belief that I would then listen to my ‘inner voice’
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that this listening to my inner voice is listening obeying others as in a slave that listens to her master. And that this inner voice is of ‘god’ of system. And its only interested in self-survival.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that self-interest only is interested in survival of self which is the self of mind of sysems of god and it needs you to allow and accept to participate.
I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me instead of realizing that fear only protects systems.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to listen to the feeling of fear out of the belief that I would then listen to my ‘inner voice’
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that this listening to my inner voice is listening obeying others as in a slave that listens to her master. And that this inner voice is of ‘god’ of system. And its only interested in self-survival.
I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m trapped in a cage and that there is no way out.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was trapped for ever into infinity because of this system, god, something, that had more power then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a hiding place so that I could justify my survival and self-interest of mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my existence and use fears as a acceptable way to get away with it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stay in my comfort zone this way
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never questioned a fear for what it really is.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to justify fear as a excuse to remain everything as it is and therefore never had the intention to really change at all.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that survival of the perceived me always prevailed above LIFE
I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to listen to the feeling of fear out of the belief that I would then listen to my ‘inner voice’
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that this listening to my inner voice is listening obeying others as in a slave that listens to her master. And that this inner voice is of ‘god’ of system. And its only interested in self-survival.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed that self-interest only is interested in survival of self which is the self of mind of sysems of god and it needs you to allow and accept to participate.
I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me instead of realizing that fear only protects systems.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to listen to the feeling of fear out of the belief that I would then listen to my ‘inner voice’
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that this listening to my inner voice is listening obeying others as in a slave that listens to her master. And that this inner voice is of ‘god’ of system. And its only interested in self-survival.
I forgive myself that haven’t allowed myself to see that the truth of me as literally lived was one of self interest wrapped in a acceptable emotion as fear.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that fears are here to protect me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m trapped in a cage and that there is no way out.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was trapped for ever into infinity because of this system, god, something, that had more power then me.
SELF FORGIVENNESS reading BRUCE L. God of Man – The Physical: Part Three
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t change and therefore that I am the mercy of the system, of god itself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I believe that I can’t take self responsibility.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize where I stand one and equal with and that what I have become.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal with the system, this reality as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that in this I state that that which I’m not willing to stand one and equal with is more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I’m unwilling to stand one and equal with of and as myself as god, the system this reality as the physical and by this it will show me that it is more then me, because this is what I am living as myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as myself here in totality- one and equal.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as myself here in totality- one and equal. And therefore can not self direct me in this world.
I can only be the self directive principle of me as I stand one and equal to the system that what I became other wise were don’t allow myself to stand one and equal to I can not direct as me. Because I will always loose this system is always bigger and greater then me when I do not standing one and equal to it.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand absolut as god, the system, this reality as the physical here one and equal to get to know and understand how god, the system operates exactly.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be no longer a slave ,standing as ‘god’ the system it self, and from there live from the startingpoint of all as one equal as life here.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as what it currently exist as and how it operates within the startingpoint of self as all as one here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to keep a hidden agenda- and so destroy and fuck myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal to my creation as my creation as what it consist of and exist as, all of it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own creation, and therefore giving it the power to exist as more than me, and in this action- I’m giving it the power to be-what I cannot conceive myself to be Thus give it the ‘life’ to develop and evolve in itself for itself by itself- to be all that I believe myself not to be.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that if we created the computer then the very operation as how the computer exist and all that it consist of- must exist within and as us here in the physical.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself believing that all that exist here in the world this reality that it directly reflect that what I believe I’m not capable of being or expressing in all forms and manifestation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself by believing that what I create can simply no be me and therefore must be more than me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to do exactly like Anu and his experience about his creation. He created and designed in his image and likeness, marveling at the greatness of his own creation that he designed. And in this honoured something as a design, a system to be more than himself. And therefore giving it the power the authority to be god of him and within this the very accepted and allowed act of seperation, making what he created and designed as a system- to be more than him - and I always prove me to myself- his creation, his design- doing just this - proving that it is ‘god’ .
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made this reality and what exist within it more than myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the physical more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the universe more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the past more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the history more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the history more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the science more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the money system more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the education -system,laws,rules, regulation, viruses, illness, disease, goverments, medical-industries-and the list goes on- all more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to be controlled and overpowered by all of the above things.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that the only change I have to self-realise and stop god, the system that what I have become both within and without- Is right here. In the flesh.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that as the physical is that which is myself manifested as god, the system-within I absolutely directly face myself as I am and how I am in and as all my presumed greatness.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that this ‘god’, the ‘system’ can only exist , if slaves exist.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that within and through my very existence in and as the physical, the
very self – definition I live here in the physical as that of a slave through accepted and allowed self-defeat, abdicating me to my own creation to be more than manifesting my own creation as ‘god’ is the only way ‘god’ can exist and maintain and continue its existence as is.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have to walk absolutely one and equal as the system, god, this reality in and as the physical here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I believe that I can’t take self responsibility.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize where I stand one and equal with and that what I have become.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal with the system, this reality as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that in this I state that that which I’m not willing to stand one and equal with is more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I’m unwilling to stand one and equal with of and as myself as god, the system this reality as the physical and by this it will show me that it is more then me, because this is what I am living as myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as myself here in totality- one and equal.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unwilling to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as myself here in totality- one and equal. And therefore can not self direct me in this world.
I can only be the self directive principle of me as I stand one and equal to the system that what I became other wise were don’t allow myself to stand one and equal to I can not direct as me. Because I will always loose this system is always bigger and greater then me when I do not standing one and equal to it.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand absolut as god, the system, this reality as the physical here one and equal to get to know and understand how god, the system operates exactly.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be no longer a slave ,standing as ‘god’ the system it self, and from there live from the startingpoint of all as one equal as life here.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal as ‘god’ the ‘system’ as what it currently exist as and how it operates within the startingpoint of self as all as one here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to keep a hidden agenda- and so destroy and fuck myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand one and equal to my creation as my creation as what it consist of and exist as, all of it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own creation, and therefore giving it the power to exist as more than me, and in this action- I’m giving it the power to be-what I cannot conceive myself to be Thus give it the ‘life’ to develop and evolve in itself for itself by itself- to be all that I believe myself not to be.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that if we created the computer then the very operation as how the computer exist and all that it consist of- must exist within and as us here in the physical.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself believing that all that exist here in the world this reality that it directly reflect that what I believe I’m not capable of being or expressing in all forms and manifestation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself by believing that what I create can simply no be me and therefore must be more than me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to do exactly like Anu and his experience about his creation. He created and designed in his image and likeness, marveling at the greatness of his own creation that he designed. And in this honoured something as a design, a system to be more than himself. And therefore giving it the power the authority to be god of him and within this the very accepted and allowed act of seperation, making what he created and designed as a system- to be more than him - and I always prove me to myself- his creation, his design- doing just this - proving that it is ‘god’ .
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made this reality and what exist within it more than myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the physical more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the universe more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the past more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the history more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the history more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the science more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the money system more then me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made the education -system,laws,rules, regulation, viruses, illness, disease, goverments, medical-industries-and the list goes on- all more then me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to be controlled and overpowered by all of the above things.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that the only change I have to self-realise and stop god, the system that what I have become both within and without- Is right here. In the flesh.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that as the physical is that which is myself manifested as god, the system-within I absolutely directly face myself as I am and how I am in and as all my presumed greatness.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that this ‘god’, the ‘system’ can only exist , if slaves exist.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that within and through my very existence in and as the physical, the
very self – definition I live here in the physical as that of a slave through accepted and allowed self-defeat, abdicating me to my own creation to be more than manifesting my own creation as ‘god’ is the only way ‘god’ can exist and maintain and continue its existence as is.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have to walk absolutely one and equal as the system, god, this reality in and as the physical here.
3 oktober 2008
Pushing through resistance/ stabilizing myself/being more consistent
Ok that’s not about changing a other person or tolerate the other one and a other beings presence so to speak, no its actually you changing yourself and showing yourself that you can push through a point by stabilising yourself in the moment here.
How?
Through breathing, breathe through the resistance aplly self-forgiveness in the moment of resistance instantly immediately no delays and by doing so you push yourself through the point of resistance.
You breathe and you direct yourself in the moment, by pushing through the points of resistance for example fear, anxiety, irritation, helplessness, wanting to give up . You direct yourself you breathe and by doing so you direct yourself instead of letting outside events be the directive principle of you.
You self-direct you immediately in the moment. I am the directive principle of me.
When I feel resistance for example to reply on a post on the forum because of reactions – self-interest- I push myself through the points of resistance I immediately apply Sf and immediatly push myself through the point of resisantce direct myself and be the directive principle of me instead of letting outside events determine how I feel in the moment
Become stable, breathe by breathe
If I have to go do something in the matrix which I rather not do because of the resistance I feel. For example I got a invite for a event
I prefer to stay at home. Why? Whats my startingpoint ?
I know when I go I will ‘fall.’ Because I know already that sooner or later – lol- I will be full with anxiety and bs and not knowing how to ‘be’ in the moment.
I do not trust myself in every moment of breathe. I also realized when this is not yet the case if I can’t walk in absolut self trust I have to face all moments of self doubt other wise it has and is of no value.
It must be proven, It’s my own self realization- for self as self here
I have to absolut trust myself in every moment of breath other wise I, me, will prevail above all
If I’m not the directive principle of me the outer events will be directing me.
Writing alone wont do.
How?
Through breathing, breathe through the resistance aplly self-forgiveness in the moment of resistance instantly immediately no delays and by doing so you push yourself through the point of resistance.
You breathe and you direct yourself in the moment, by pushing through the points of resistance for example fear, anxiety, irritation, helplessness, wanting to give up . You direct yourself you breathe and by doing so you direct yourself instead of letting outside events be the directive principle of you.
You self-direct you immediately in the moment. I am the directive principle of me.
When I feel resistance for example to reply on a post on the forum because of reactions – self-interest- I push myself through the points of resistance I immediately apply Sf and immediatly push myself through the point of resisantce direct myself and be the directive principle of me instead of letting outside events determine how I feel in the moment
Become stable, breathe by breathe
If I have to go do something in the matrix which I rather not do because of the resistance I feel. For example I got a invite for a event
I prefer to stay at home. Why? Whats my startingpoint ?
I know when I go I will ‘fall.’ Because I know already that sooner or later – lol- I will be full with anxiety and bs and not knowing how to ‘be’ in the moment.
I do not trust myself in every moment of breathe. I also realized when this is not yet the case if I can’t walk in absolut self trust I have to face all moments of self doubt other wise it has and is of no value.
It must be proven, It’s my own self realization- for self as self here
I have to absolut trust myself in every moment of breath other wise I, me, will prevail above all
If I’m not the directive principle of me the outer events will be directing me.
Writing alone wont do.
11 augustus 2008
We at Be part2
The coolest thing about it was that being together with other beings walking and supporting oneness and equality.
Its a glimpse of how the world and all beings will walk in the future
The talking and being together and sharing all insights where a very supporting expierence. So many questions came up ........
Thats all
Its a glimpse of how the world and all beings will walk in the future
The talking and being together and sharing all insights where a very supporting expierence. So many questions came up ........
Thats all
27 juli 2008
embracing
I realised something today. I never embraced my so called 'darkside' as me. I was seeing it I was seeing what I was doing feeling it supressing it. But I never embraced it. Never embraced these feelings and emotions as me. Strange how perfectly simpel the splitting of the I works. It's so simpel but never ever has it been in my reach to embrace it as me.
Its here all is here and all is me.
why on earth did I think that I 'outgrowned' my childhood expierences and needs to kill little insect, to investigate little frogs to pull their legs untill the frog died. Or I just pulled a fly's leg untill all the legs where seperate from the fly. Why on earth did I do that?
because its my nature to do so.
And did I ever ever embraced that?
nope
I was very ashamed of it, felt very bad by it, felt guilty about it and thought that one day I would be punished for it.
The question I asked myself today--> Did I change? Did the nature of me changed did I transcend that need of killing a frog and where the hell did this come from this desire to do so. To abuse defendless beings?
And again did I ever embraced the abuse of defendless beings as me?
Its here all is here and all is me.
why on earth did I think that I 'outgrowned' my childhood expierences and needs to kill little insect, to investigate little frogs to pull their legs untill the frog died. Or I just pulled a fly's leg untill all the legs where seperate from the fly. Why on earth did I do that?
because its my nature to do so.
And did I ever ever embraced that?
nope
I was very ashamed of it, felt very bad by it, felt guilty about it and thought that one day I would be punished for it.
The question I asked myself today--> Did I change? Did the nature of me changed did I transcend that need of killing a frog and where the hell did this come from this desire to do so. To abuse defendless beings?
And again did I ever embraced the abuse of defendless beings as me?
14 juli 2008
We at Be – lol
The world event at the Zamoras was great. I didn’t had that many expectations. Just about Ann and that she would be all purple –lol -but she wasn’t. I was more occupied with getting the right train, and taking the right cell phone number from Leila. I text her my arrival time and when she didn’t text me back I got a little bit nervous like shit what if I took the wrong phonenumber, and I had not taken their address either. So Leila called me and all was good again lol
We all got together on the trainstation and the thing I noticed like wow they are so tall, and when I met Paul I was like huh? Weren’t you blonde?
Never consider age on the forum but in the flesh all looked so young, suprise!
I was laughing a lot, I was so exited to see them all fo real and it was really surreal-lol! We where all laughing and giggling a lot. And looking at eachother like …….huh? For real? And then we started laugingh again.
What else? I became nervous when I was talking about other forum members and their words and post on the forum. From the exitement I had stomach pain , breathing was helping but it was not completely gone. Hmmmm what else……. Still there …….do I response to the other in the right way?
It was subtle and very small but yeah still there! So then I got energy movement trough out my body and couldn’t breath through it.
I blushed as a tomato when I was making a comparison to a stiff dick and a wet c*nt. Got all red so…..I just let it happen it was there anyway, yep Sf point again….. Cool it will assist me in transcend the fucking embaresment point within me.
What else?
Was a bit sad in the train when I left, felt salty tears coming up. And could have become over emotional but I didn’t-Puh. Have to dig deeper into this aswell.
yesterday I watched the vid Ann made so I blushed again,see above.
Was reading Leila blog about the first day and I had reactions coming up mostly exitement and……………………….. what will she say about me? Yep.
Same reaction on Ann’s blog
And enjoyment aswel.
Then today I was on chat and Gabs said something on a vid he made on the whole happening. And then I got really scared. Boem, Boem, boem, my heart pounded in my throat, hundred needles in my flesh and my neck area.
And its all about me to see and to embrace as me.
To place everything inside me, to see that all is here and that here is me.
btw
Must be continued.
Do not know when cause I’m leaving tomorrow on a long holiday with kids we will explore Europe.
We all got together on the trainstation and the thing I noticed like wow they are so tall, and when I met Paul I was like huh? Weren’t you blonde?
Never consider age on the forum but in the flesh all looked so young, suprise!
I was laughing a lot, I was so exited to see them all fo real and it was really surreal-lol! We where all laughing and giggling a lot. And looking at eachother like …….huh? For real? And then we started laugingh again.
What else? I became nervous when I was talking about other forum members and their words and post on the forum. From the exitement I had stomach pain , breathing was helping but it was not completely gone. Hmmmm what else……. Still there …….do I response to the other in the right way?
It was subtle and very small but yeah still there! So then I got energy movement trough out my body and couldn’t breath through it.
I blushed as a tomato when I was making a comparison to a stiff dick and a wet c*nt. Got all red so…..I just let it happen it was there anyway, yep Sf point again….. Cool it will assist me in transcend the fucking embaresment point within me.
What else?
Was a bit sad in the train when I left, felt salty tears coming up. And could have become over emotional but I didn’t-Puh. Have to dig deeper into this aswell.
yesterday I watched the vid Ann made so I blushed again,see above.
Was reading Leila blog about the first day and I had reactions coming up mostly exitement and……………………….. what will she say about me? Yep.
Same reaction on Ann’s blog
And enjoyment aswel.
Then today I was on chat and Gabs said something on a vid he made on the whole happening. And then I got really scared. Boem, Boem, boem, my heart pounded in my throat, hundred needles in my flesh and my neck area.
And its all about me to see and to embrace as me.
To place everything inside me, to see that all is here and that here is me.
btw
Must be continued.
Do not know when cause I’m leaving tomorrow on a long holiday with kids we will explore Europe.
25 juni 2008
My second post, looking back.
I entered a website last december. I felt pretty messed up back then I just had given birth to my youngest child and I was still recovering. It swas a very intense and difficult pregnancy&labour I had gone trough and I knew that it would take me at least a year to recover. So lots of time at home don’t mistake me wrong I had/have no freetime but time at home taking care of my baby and her older sister. So back to this site.
This website and the selfsupport it offered where completly new to me and I realized after reading watching the material that no question have to been answered anymore.
No more question about what am I doing here,the one and only question I really ever asked myself What am I doing here? What Is my purpose? What is the purpose of my life? What is the meaning of me being here, does my life has a meaning?
Those question are answered by seeing into me, seeing Self here. Self that I never took into considiration.
No more how does the day turns into night, but why is there a day and why Is there a night. Simple.
To never take anything or anyone for granted anymore, to question everything and all in my world.
Simple yet ‘Complicated’ So it began, start applying Self forgiveness in Selfhonesty and boy oh boy what a HORROR, HORRIFIC sight it was. I was watching & studying the material like crazy, in the beginning I really had no clue where it would lead me I just saw a very young women portaling the most enchanting beings I ever ‘seen’ ,and all completely different in there expression. Fascinating. The portal herself pure innocence like you see in children,like I see in my children but never have seen as selfexpression in a adult before. Fascinating! Enchanting it was.
The enchanting runned into devasatation I couldn’t believe it , the story you always wanted to know and now here right infront of me to unbelievable to be true. To horrific to be true. Common sense revealed the world as it is. And boy oh boy . Its absolut horrific. The thing that struck me the most was the question whom or what am I gratefull to or for? In times of need or pain or longing or surching I became gratefull as the last thing to hold onto in this fuss I perceived as my life.
And then I became gratefull for my life, for my children, for my health, for my luck,for my talents and my skills, for me having it so good,. I felt so blessed but whom or whas I gratefull to? Whom did I thank for all of this? Whom or what was I gratefull for, for me being able to life, for healthy children so others can have unhealthy children, gratefully looking the other way,I’m so blessed that all the good things came to me,so I can gratefully look the other way when I encounter the so called other side of the coin. I’m so gratefull that I’m not living in poverty when I see the poor.Thank you life that I’m not child that has been raped or molested, that I do not live in war that I do not starve to death.That I have a nice and pretty roof, and that I only say Thank you! I’m so blessed. Its just my goo dkarma, thank you LIFE. Is thi sth eonly thing I could cam eup with th egratefullness as answer to all the unanswered questions?
WTF went wrong.. Ofcourse there where times I said, yes I know it’s not really how things should have been but its just the way it is,isn’t it? And then continued with my life like nothing really happened.
Ok I realized some common sense in this world and started participating on the forum. I had much difficulties to participate at all. I hated it, it’s my first forum and my last.
Oh yes,…..in the beginning when I just started watching the vids I was like why are all those beings talking about HEAVEN? What a christian ‘thing’ to say. Cause heaven was not even a word on my mind or in my vocab. Then a other term ‘the White light construct’, it took me months to figure that one out,hahahahaha. If you would have said it’s a new club in town it would have made more sense to me. Ok I came to terms with the terms.
So I became Selfaware, apply Selfforgiveness in Selfhonesty and had a rough time. Smiling.
I am not my mind. Huh?
I am not my feelings,emotions and thoughts.
Huh?
So who am I then?
Being here in the moment.Huh?
And then some months ago, I noticed Me,Self, I, In the beginning it was like hey wait a minute I am here too. I am here 2 you know!! I became Selfaware, really for the first time in my entire life or existence for that matter. I always was just living my life as this is the way it is this is the way we people live our lives ,you get borne, and you die and in meanwhile you live youre life.
No one ever asked me to be birthed into the fysical, into this life with these parents, with this life, to be a baby,to grow up. Did I ever made that choice? And yet I am here.
This website and the selfsupport it offered where completly new to me and I realized after reading watching the material that no question have to been answered anymore.
No more question about what am I doing here,the one and only question I really ever asked myself What am I doing here? What Is my purpose? What is the purpose of my life? What is the meaning of me being here, does my life has a meaning?
Those question are answered by seeing into me, seeing Self here. Self that I never took into considiration.
No more how does the day turns into night, but why is there a day and why Is there a night. Simple.
To never take anything or anyone for granted anymore, to question everything and all in my world.
Simple yet ‘Complicated’ So it began, start applying Self forgiveness in Selfhonesty and boy oh boy what a HORROR, HORRIFIC sight it was. I was watching & studying the material like crazy, in the beginning I really had no clue where it would lead me I just saw a very young women portaling the most enchanting beings I ever ‘seen’ ,and all completely different in there expression. Fascinating. The portal herself pure innocence like you see in children,like I see in my children but never have seen as selfexpression in a adult before. Fascinating! Enchanting it was.
The enchanting runned into devasatation I couldn’t believe it , the story you always wanted to know and now here right infront of me to unbelievable to be true. To horrific to be true. Common sense revealed the world as it is. And boy oh boy . Its absolut horrific. The thing that struck me the most was the question whom or what am I gratefull to or for? In times of need or pain or longing or surching I became gratefull as the last thing to hold onto in this fuss I perceived as my life.
And then I became gratefull for my life, for my children, for my health, for my luck,for my talents and my skills, for me having it so good,. I felt so blessed but whom or whas I gratefull to? Whom did I thank for all of this? Whom or what was I gratefull for, for me being able to life, for healthy children so others can have unhealthy children, gratefully looking the other way,I’m so blessed that all the good things came to me,so I can gratefully look the other way when I encounter the so called other side of the coin. I’m so gratefull that I’m not living in poverty when I see the poor.Thank you life that I’m not child that has been raped or molested, that I do not live in war that I do not starve to death.That I have a nice and pretty roof, and that I only say Thank you! I’m so blessed. Its just my goo dkarma, thank you LIFE. Is thi sth eonly thing I could cam eup with th egratefullness as answer to all the unanswered questions?
WTF went wrong.. Ofcourse there where times I said, yes I know it’s not really how things should have been but its just the way it is,isn’t it? And then continued with my life like nothing really happened.
Ok I realized some common sense in this world and started participating on the forum. I had much difficulties to participate at all. I hated it, it’s my first forum and my last.
Oh yes,…..in the beginning when I just started watching the vids I was like why are all those beings talking about HEAVEN? What a christian ‘thing’ to say. Cause heaven was not even a word on my mind or in my vocab. Then a other term ‘the White light construct’, it took me months to figure that one out,hahahahaha. If you would have said it’s a new club in town it would have made more sense to me. Ok I came to terms with the terms.
So I became Selfaware, apply Selfforgiveness in Selfhonesty and had a rough time. Smiling.
I am not my mind. Huh?
I am not my feelings,emotions and thoughts.
Huh?
So who am I then?
Being here in the moment.Huh?
And then some months ago, I noticed Me,Self, I, In the beginning it was like hey wait a minute I am here too. I am here 2 you know!! I became Selfaware, really for the first time in my entire life or existence for that matter. I always was just living my life as this is the way it is this is the way we people live our lives ,you get borne, and you die and in meanwhile you live youre life.
No one ever asked me to be birthed into the fysical, into this life with these parents, with this life, to be a baby,to grow up. Did I ever made that choice? And yet I am here.
22 juni 2008
Sail on-Truly-
I was having lunch at a restaurant this week and on the background music was playing. The Comodores en Lionel Ritchie. I didnt really take noticed it but it was there.
When I got home there was 'something' lingering but had no words to describe this 'state' I was expierencing and couldnt find the words for it. I search for this particular song by the Comodores and the moment I heard the piano and the soothing voice of Lionel Richie I started crying.
OMG I didnt had a clue, this song is so deeply ingrained in me.
I grew up with this song and later when LR became a solo artist his voice is among others the soundtrack of a part of my life. The part of my life where I was dating for the first time with the first boyfriend, dating holding hands and this music is absolutly a big part of it, the music activate systems and ideas inside of me of how I perceived love. Not even love for someone, but love in general as something which is out there to find to grasp, to reach.
Someday I will be on that lovely place where I wil find real love and this music activates all these desires in me.
That something is not even clear, but the feeling that I had to look for it was activated within the firts love relationship and the music 'spiced' it up even more.
How weird that when ever I hear this song, this is triggered inside of me. Conscious or unconcounscious. Its there.
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